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Reflecting on Basquait - a comment

I read this article http://www.theblogofinnocence.com/2009/10/reflecting-on-basquiat.html on the Blog of Innocence and made a comment which for some reason I couldn't post even though I've posted before on the site - open ID error - even though its my live journal I use for it and obviouslly that is working :( Anyway I'm posting the comment here and trying to work out have to do links in this thing:

The thing is we all define ourselves by peoples expextations of us - it is part of being human - we are social animals and in the wild ostrasiscm ment a cold hungry death so we all seek acceptance.

Most people manage this in todays society by being slightly different people in different contexts - ie who they are talking to, how they have decided to dress that day etc...

But famous people stop having that buffer and they can fill judged all the time - the expectations to meet. They never get to feel completely on their own meaning that they never get to be themselves again - reset between events and groups of people. I think this would lead to a major distortion in who they appear to be and who they want to be.

I think that they would end up feeling that they belong no where but are owned by all which would be sickening to the heart.

The whole thing brings to mind a White Strips song about dreaming when your writing in your little room but then when you've made it having to struggle to remeber what it was like in the little room to get the right feelings to create again.

I find most of my depression comes from not being able to do what people expect of me so I imagine that must be a thousand fold if it is the general public that hold your soul in their hands.


Oct. 5th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
Re: expectations
I should probably preface this by saying that I haven't read the article yet (Lethe, I promise to visit soon!), but I was intrigued by the questions here b/c I struggle with them as well.

I used to say that I never wanted to be famous for precisely this reason. I couldn't possibly deal with all those expectations. Ugh! I agree with Lethe, though, about trying to fulfill our own expectations of ourselves--although so much is involved in that. It's not as easy as it first appears. Many of our own expectations of ourselves are internalized cultural/familial expectations that don't suit us, but we've not quite seen it yet. So our soul chafes and we don't even know why. These are also the ones that we sometimes have trouble fulfilling-b/c they're not really who we are. Going easy on ourselves at this point is crucial, I've learned. Both in not fulfilling whatever it is we thought we wanted, and in learning that it wasn't really ours to begin with. So there's that. Then there are the expectations we know are others' but we try to fulfill them. For complex reasons at times. Or we can't fulfill them and feel horrible because we think we should be able to and we're fearful of whatever it is that we'll lose if we don't come through. There are no easy answers to this, although I've learned the hard way that ignoring a heart's desire kills the soul (and leads to even more depression). (It's painful to become oneself that way.) I'm still struggling with all of this now. The only thing that's beginning to work is to really begin to think that who I am is OK, not just okay--but has a gift to bring to the world--and my unique set of characteristics, perhaps especially those that I don't see as so great and ones that the world doesn't reward as much, are clues to the amazing thing I do have to give. This gives me courage to go against the grain. At least sometimes. ;)

About having a hard time posting on B of A--I had problems for quite a while posting on other sites. I couldn't even do the name/URL one sometimes! (For some reason on some sites it would try to verify the URL and mine couldn't be verified). Now I can do that, but I'm still having trouble with my Open ID, too. Or was. I need to try and use it again. I used to use Open ID all the time, then it just stopped working one day.
Oct. 5th, 2009 02:07 pm (UTC)
Re: expectations
I think that my comment is very biased as I have been struggling with the problem of expectations myself which you both picked up on. It has taken me along time to try and be who I am and not be who I thought I was supposed to be - trying for an ideal that was demanded of me that I could not achieve.

I suffer tramendous guilt over not being good enough and things which is quiet frankly stupid but to try and become me I have to go against the doctrins I was brought up in with continual critasism which isn't very helpful.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say in this comment so I shall stop now!

I thought I'd just mucked up somehow with the Open ID but just couldn't work out how but maybe there's a bug in that case!

Thankyou both for your comments.

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